tomorow it's on!

tomorrow is the day. fill day. i'm going in for my first fill in like 7 months. it's not my FIRST fill, obviously, but my first one in SEVEN FREAKING MONTHS!!!! YEAH..... can you say "totally fell of the bandwagon"? yeah...that would be me.

i'm both happy and nervous at the same time. i'm happy that i'm getting back on track and going in for my fill like i should have done a long ass time ago. i'm nervous because i'm going to have to get used to eating differently again. i've gotten so used to eating semi normally that it's gonna be a big adjustment for me. but i know i can do it again since i did it before. i'm also a little upset because i feel so far behind everyone else.

i mean, i know i'm not supposed to compare myself to others with the losses and stuff but sometimes it's something that just can't be helped. you just do it without thinking. and well, there are some that were banded with me or around the same time i was or even AFTER me that are at their goals or a helluva lot closer to them than i am and well, that just makes me feel like a loser. and not in a good way. not the kind of loser i wanna be.

but at the same time, i tell myself that i need to be happy for where i am. i could be other places. like where i was before my band. 240 something pounds and going up. i could be dead from surgery complications (yes, it's rare but it's real and i have a friend who almost did die!). i could have been stuck in the hospital in icu and on feeding tubes for six months with serious complications like my friend was. but i'm none of those things. i'm just a little behind - ok, a lot behind - on my weight loss. i will get there. right?

on another note... i ordered me a hula hoop. yep. like we had as kids only made adult sized and specifically made for hula hooping for fitness. i can't wait til it comes in and i can start hula hooping my ass off. literally. but i'd rather lose my stomach than my ass. lol i did some reading up online about it and studies show that hula hooping can give you the same workout as doing kickboxing or step aerobics and i think hula hooping is a helluva lot more fun! plus my daughter and i can do it together because she's a hulanista! lol 

she's my little motivator and parnter. the other day i was telling my husband about the hula hoop i ordered and he was like, "yeah, that's gonna be just like the zumba set you ordered and never use." so i told him i need someone to do it with. so my baby girl walks up and says, "you know who you can do it with, mama?" i asked who and she said, "you're looking at her!". she's so awesome!!!! i hope we're this good of "friends" when she's fifteen and pissed off at me for something. lol

wouldn't you know it?

so this afternoon i got a phone call from my doctor's office. they had to reschedule my fill. i have to wait another entire week before i can get it!!! and here i was totally ready and looking forward to it and there they go having to reschedule it. something about the nurse practitioner going out of town or something. i understand the circumstances but i'm so ready for this fill. i hate the idea of waiting another week.


i told my husband and do you know what he said? "well, at least you get to eat for another week". i was like dammit i don't want to eat!!! i want my fill!!!! wahhhhh!!!!!

it's a new year...

well, it's a whole new year. i feel like i haven't been here in forever and i guess that's really the truth. it's been a rough year. lots going on and most of it not of the good variety of things. i'm sure hoping this new year will bring new and better things for me and my whole family.

on tuesday i am going in for a fill.  a long, long overdue fill. i haven't had one since may 24 and it was only .25 of a cc. 

i'm so ready to get back on track. and i'm for real this time. i'm starting to be more active and will keep it going and up it as i go. i been walking every evening and am about to start adding in more workout routines throughout the week. i have sciatica so i gotta keep an eye on that but otherwise here i go!

i feel kinda bad becuase i'm almost two years out and haven't even reached my goal at all. but i guess better late than never, right?