ramblin

this morning i woke up to a new number. that was awesome. i'm now 214. that's awesome. not sure if that was because i got a fill or because i was on liquids all day but either way i'm pleased with it.

i can't figure out how to make my font not look like this. so bear with me. sigh!

here are some thoughts i've been having....

lots of us banders never exercised before the band. we didn't feel motivated or didn't want to or whatever. everyone has their own reasons. now we got the band. now we suddenly want to exercise and feel motivated. is that because we had the band put it in? i mean, did it bring with it some kinda "make ya wanna exercise" hormones or something? i just don't quite get how a person goes from never exercising to exercising on a regular basis simply becuase they got the band. couldn't they have chosen to do the exercise even without the band? of course they/we could've. so why didn't we???

eating. why is it that even when i'm not feeling hungry, i have a hard time not eating stuff? i mean, i think i only feel hungry three times a day. morning lunch and night. althought today i did get hungry around 4pm (between lunch and dinner) but that's not normal. so why is it that i find myself snacking? is it habit? how do i break it? i find myself bored and wanna eat. watching tv and wanna eat. what's up with that???

also, i ate twice as much as i shoulda tonight. i was full after one serving but i got another. why? becuase it tasted good. why did i do that? 

skinny chicks. i have this friend who is super skinny. somehow she thinks she needs to lose weight. obviously she is deluded... but anyway.... actually i have two skinny ass friends who feel that way. what is wrong with them??? and why would they say that kinda stuff to someone who is obviously not even near skinny? that's just jacked up. 

onederland. i wanna be there so bad. it'll be here soon. i can feel it. 15 pounds to go!!! i was thinking earlier that when i hit it i won't get to celebrate like i really want to. i can tell my friend who is a fellow bandster, a friend who isn't one, and my sister. and ya'll. that's all i can do. i can't go celebrate cuz my husband is living in this fantasyland where i weigh less than he does (he weighs like 189) and i have no desire to bring him back to reality about it. i mean, if he wants to think like that. so be it? who am i to dash his ideas that i'm smaller than him? at first i thought surely he can't really believe that but i've come to realize he really does. it kinda bothers me to a point cuz i'm like "is he blind or what?" but at the same time i'm just like "ok.... you think that then." lol


target. today i realized that target kinda sucks. i went in there and tried on some shirts. they were size xxl. they didn't fit. too tight. yet i was wearing a similar shirt from old navy and it was only an xl and was not only fitting but kinda loose. what's up with that? i think target's stuff must be sized small. at the same time i love me some gillian o'malley and their workout wear. and they have cute stuff for kids, too.


ok...i guess i'm done.

how it went

ya'll were right! it didn't hurt! it was fine!!! here's a rundown of how things went:

i arrived at the office early (that is a shocker cuz i am terminally late all the time) and i ended up chatting with a lady who was coming for her first consultation. she is thinking she wants the gastric bypass but isn't sure. then out walks a lady i was in pre op classes with. she remembered me and i remembered her and we started talking. she had just had her first fill and said it was easy as pie. she has lost like 30 pounds. then another lady came out and it was another lady i was in different pre op classes with. we both remembered each other as well and were talking about progress etc. she didn't have to get a fill as she's still losing and feeling full and etc. she's lost 35 pounds. it didn't even occur to me to get bothered that i've only lost 25 compared to their 30 and 35 and i'm ok with that. it was really nice seeing the folks that started with me. that was cool.

i got called back and the nurse took my stats. she said i've lost 2 pounds since my last appt. i figured it was only a pound or two and i was right. i told her that despite that my clothes were still fitting better and she said that's normal since working out is building muscle and etc. etc. so that was nice to hear. i voiced my worries about the fill hurting and she put two different types of topical numbing on my port site and then i waited for jenny (the nurse practioner) to come in.

jenny came in and there i was laying on the table with shirt up and tummy exposed. she was like "hmmmm...someone's ready for a fill." i laughed. we talked about my progress and she told me to up my water intake. i told her i'm trying!!! then i told her about how freaked i was about the fill. she said it would be fine.

she had me do a crunch on the table with a pillow in the small of my back. she found the port site quick. i barely felt a tiny stick. didn't even feel like a finger stick. next thing you know she's done and i've got 1 more cc in my band. the surgeon put in three at the time of the surgery so now i have a total of 4cc's in my band. woohoo.

she had me drink some water and i felt an immediate difference. it was weird. i made a follow up appointment for a month from now and then i was on my way.

i had to be only on liquids today so i had some soup for dinner. it was kinda thick but still liquidy. i had maybe 1/2 a cup and i was full. that was pretty cool. i had a little milk and i felt like i was gonna pop. restriction already! tomorrow i get to have mushies and friday i'm back to normal foods again.

since ya'll asked for some pics... here they are. in these i am wearing a pair of size 17 juniors l.e.i. jeans and a size xl old navy top. i haven't been able to wear the jeans since shortly after i got them (the end of last summer) and they were by no means comfy when i got in them then. now they are comfy. yay!!!

so anyway... all in all i think today went well. good fill. nsv's. oh...speaking of nsv's!!! i almost forgot to mention i had another today. after i tried on the first pair of jeans (the ones i'm wearing here in the pics) i decided to try on another i couldn't fit in anymore. again, they fit! they were old navy and were still a bit tight but not so tight they looked bad or anything. just not overly comfy again yet. but anyway....i'm so going in the right direction.


didn't work out today. so that's like two days in a row now. i feel bad about that. sniff sniff.

NSV report!

about to go get ready for my appt. but i had to share this news first....

while trying to decide what to wear, i tried on a pair of jeans that are usually too tight... AND THEY FIT. COMFORTABLY! that was exciting as they are juniors jeans and super cute. i also perfectly fit in a size xl (instead of xxl) old navy top after it's been washed (usually i fit in the xl BEFORE it's washed but it never fits the same AFTER it's washed). well, it all fit and well and comfy and cute. 

even though the scale isn't moving, there is definitely SOMETHING going on!!!

first fill!!!!!

so i just got off the phone with my doctor's office. I AM HAVING MY FIRST FILL TODAY!!!! and i'm totally nervous and freaked out about it!!!! i'm on all liquids today, then mushies tomorrow, then solids day after tomorrow. super super nervous!!! i hope it doesn't hurt. eek!!!!!

oh today.....

the cupcakes are gone. thank goodness. they are outta the house! my daughter and her classmates thoroughly enjoyed them. no more cake batter for me!!! 

today was a really rough day for me. really rough. the mri was not as expected. i wasn't really sure what to expect and i was pretty nervous. but a friend of mine told me about her mri experience. she said they gave her these cool goggles to wear and they had tv in them and she got to watch hdtv while she had her thing done and that she couldn't even really tell anything was going on and it didn't take long at all. and she was in the regular mri, not the open one like i was gonna be in. so i thought ok cool. i can do this.


well..... they called me back and i saw the thing my stomach dropped. the machine itself didn't look too bad. but there was this table thing (that i was supposed to lay on) and it had this cage thing at the top of it (for a head i assumed) and that was freaking me out. i saw no fun goggles or anything. so i ask the lady how it works exactly. she gives me a rundown. i lay on the table. they put the cage over my head (freak out!). the machine rolls me in it (it was big and airy so that was a plus). i asked how long it takes.... she said.... one hour and forty five minutes! i was like wtf??? so then i'm like asking about tv watching and etc. she was like, we don't have that. and then went on to tell me that the machine is so loud that i wouldn't be able to hear it anyway. another wtf!!! 

this is what the machine and table looked like. notice the head cage thing. eek!

she prolly thought i was nuts cuz i kept asking the same question again and again. i was like "i gotta lay there and do nothing for an hour and forty fivce minutes???" that was insane to me. they said i could have a guest in there with me so i called my husband thinking talking might make the time go by faster.

i laid on the thing and she gave me a cloth to put over my eyes so i didn't have to see the cage around my head. yeah... i sooo did not want to see that. to me i was thinking what's the point of it being an "open" mri, if my head is gonna be all closed up anyway? makes no sense. but whatever. 

here's a closeup of the freaking head cage.

so the machine pulls me in and she tells me to be super still. ok...that was fine. then it started making all these noises that sounded like a machine gun or something and it felt to me like the table was moving. that started making me feel nauseated. i had to push the call button cuz i thought i was gonna puke and i needed to take some of my zofran that my lapband doc had given me if i ever needed it. thank god i carry some in my purse at all times!

then it was back on the table and back in the machine. more machine gun noises. my husband arrived. we talked for a bit. then i got in this wierd state of not asleep but not awake either and all these wierd thoughts were in my head. it was wierd. maybe i fell asleep. i dunno. it didn't seem like i was sleeping but maybe i was.


then the lady came in and said the machine was messed up and they had to stop. i asked how long i was in there. she said about an hour. so i have to go back on thursday and have it done again! again! she said it'll take about 30 minutes and they'll have to inject me with some dye for contrast. i'm like damn this sucks.


i felt dizzy after i came out and i've had an on and off headache. i think the headache is from the noise. it was loud as heck.


i feel cheated cuz i didn't get the cool tv goggles. i dread going back again. but at least i know to take my zofran first and wear something comfy.


on another note.....


i have an appt with my lapband doctor tomorrow. my six week checkup. i was supposed to call them today and see if i'll be getting a fill since they make you do liquids only the day of a fill but i forgot to call with all the mri crap going on. my appt isn't until 2:45 in the afternoon though so i can call and ask in the morning. although i don't wanna see or feel the big needle, i think i need a fill. in fact, i'm pretty sure of it. i can pretty much eat portions that i did pre band and it's hard to make myself not eat like i used to.

ok... i just looked at my remedymd thing (the site linked with my dr's office) and it says i'm meeting with jenny (the nurse practitioner/the one who does the fills) and it says "evaluate and treat". whereas my last appt said simply "weigh in".  so i'm thinking a fill is in tomorrow's future. i'm still gonna call to be sure. i'm nervous about the first fill!!! 


didn't work out today with everything going on. gonna start tomorrow off with workout dvd or maybe a walk with the dog. we will see!!!


oh...and i forgot to mention....the mri lady asked me about my band. she wanted to know when i got it and how much i've lost since i got it. i told her and she was wowed by my 18 lb loss. that kinda made me feel good. =)

mmmm...cupcakes....

tonight i made a bunch of super pink i carly cupcakes for my daughter's class snack tomorrow. since her birthday is in the middle of summer when school is not in, they let her celebrate it with her "birthday snack" before school lets out. she wanted hannah montana cupcakes but unfornately the party place didn't have anything for hannah montana cupcakes. so she got i carly instead and she loves them.

 
now here's the bad part.... in the process of making all these cakes (there were like two dozen or more of them) i probably inhaled about a 1/2 to a full cup of cake batter. yeah. bad me. i know!!!! i couldn't help myself. sigh!


on the upside, i did two workouts today. this morning i did the walk and kick dvd with leslie and tonight i did fifteen minutes with my wii trainer, maya.


tomorrow i go for my mri to see about my head issue. i am hoping nothing shows up. i dunno what i'll do if something does. freak out i guess. i'm kinda freaking out about the the mri anyway cuz i've never had one before and i'm not sure how i feel about it. but i guess i'll survive. i always do. 

insomnia???

it's almost two in the morning. i can't sleep. gee... ya never would've guessed that, huh? lol i tried going to sleep after watching yet another lifetime movie. but sleeping didn't work. 

so then i weighed myself. i don't know why. i didn't really expect to see a new number. i just didn't know what to do with myself and it seemed like an alright idea. well then when i saw the non new number (that i totally expected to be there) i started wondering if maybe my band isn't gonna work with me like others work with them. i started having a mini freak out thinking what if i'm one of the people that doesn't really lose and is destined to remain big forever??? 

so with all those racing thoughts i felt a google search was in order. so i searched it "not losing weight with lap band". weren't as many helpful results as i thought there would be, but they were ok. read a few and then decided to go check on my fave youtube labbander, skymoon. a brief history about this person.... she was/is a big inspiration for me getting my band. it might sound kinda wacky but it's true. seeing her progress from pre op to now has been just amazing and watching her vids really helped me decide to get my band. but anyway...

she's doing good. she just got done have a tummy tuck revision surgery after getting messed up having out of the country surgery in colombia. she's doing really good though and i'm so happy for her with that. but she is a bander who got to her goal weight in only 7 months. talk about awesome! she went from 275 lbs to 160 lbs!!! she has all her stats on her page, so after listening/watching her two newest update vids, i re-read all her stats. she has a week by week listing of how much she lost each week and etc. so i decided to compare hers to mine. 

i was pleasantly surprised to find out that i'm only 5 pounds heavier here in my sixth week than she was in hers. that really made me feel better. it gave me hope i guess. i mean, it's like if i'm trailing only a little behind where she was, then i'm doing ok. i'll get there. even if it doesn't seem like it's going fast enough for me right now, it's still going and i will get there.

i furthered my search for comfort in my loss compared to others by checking out my fellow march bandsters ticker progress on lapbandtalk. the ones i saw were about where i am. there were some who were further behind (not as much loss as me) and some who were further ahead (more loss than me). but just seeing that there were others who were about at the same spot, also made me feel better. and again reinforeced the whole "i will get there" and "i'm doing ok" thing.

now i'm sure you are all thinking i'm nuts cuz these are the same things ya'll said in your comments on some of my blog postings... but here's something you gotta know about me: i'm a weirdo!!! sometimes i gotta hear something a zillion times before i believe it or i gotta figure it out in some wierdo around the long way kinda way when someone has already told me, but i don't believe it til i "figure it out" on my own. i'm wierd. this is something my friend tracy and i always go through. i say "omg. this is what i figured out" and she's like "yeah... that's what i been tellin ya." lol it's a neverending cycle with me. sigh!!!

but anyway.... i'm feeling better about my loss and feeling more positive about getting where i wanna be and that it can be real. although me being 150 lbs or even down in onederland still seems like a big fantasy i know that i can be real. it will be real!

i had some other stuff to say but i somehow forgot it. figures! 

and damn... i'm still not feeling that tired. what is up with me???


oh yeah... during all this thinking i was also having memories of the day i got my band. getting to the hopsital all early and having to wait a million years (it seemed like) before they came and took me. i had a freakout in the middle of th million years where i started bawling and being scared and thinking maybe i should just screw it and not get it done cuz what if i died. i was sooo freaked out. my husband was great and supportive that day. he is most days. i'm so lucky to have him. he's not perfect but he's great. and i'm rambling... but anyway.... i calmed down and napped a bit and then they were getting ready to get me. i remember they gave me the loopy meds but i didn't think i felt very loopy. just kinda chilled.and i remember going into the er and them telling me they were gonna put me to sleep now and i was confused cuz the surgeon wasn't even there yet. but they said that's how it worked and she said "i'm giving you the meds now" and i was thinking "hmmm... they aren't working". there was none of that "count down from 100" crap or anything like that. lol next thing i knew i was waking up in recovery and feeling pukey and asking for my husband and it was over and done with. i vaguely remember being moved to my hospital room and briefly seeing some male nurse and my husband. i was half blind cuz i didn't have my contacts in...


that all seems like so long ago now and it's only been six weeks. six little ole weeks. 


i remember thinking i'd never feel normal again but i feel totally normal now. sometimes i dont' even think about the fact that i have my band.


i had originally named my band "the frog" cuz my stomach made such funny sounds after i got it but now it doesn't so much. maybe i should rename it. i dunno. i'm rambling again. maybe i should try to get some sleep again. maybe...

SUNDAY

well, what do i have to say today? let's see.... this morning the damned scale said the same thing it's said for days now. no loss but then again no gain either. so while i'm happy to not be gaining anything i'm sad to not be losing. 

i was a total lazy slug today. truly i was. i stayed in my pj's (and in bed) most of the day. the girls occupied themselves playing and having a ball and i watched lifetime movies. i love those!!!

i finally ripped myself outta my bed and my jammies to take the girls to mcdonald's and to return the dining set we bought the other day. it's too big for our dining area so now we have to find another one. big pain in the arse since we already sold the old one. so now we have no dining set til we get a new one. we are ordering it and it will take a week or so to come in i think. sigh!

we also did a little shopping and got my daughter some new clothes. she loves new clothes. she also freaked out over a rainbow bikini that came with free matching swim goggles. she was repeatedly going "i need that bikini! i really need that bikini. i gotta have that bikini!" it was sooo funny. i told her to ask her stepdad and he said she could have it. i was like "do you realize that she will now have like six or seven swimsuits?" he replied with something like "well, she's a girl. ya'll have a zillion swimsuits and a zillion underwears." i laughed hard at that one.

not much else to report. my house is a total wreck and today is the first day in a long time that i didn't log my food. i haven't worked out in two days and i feel bad about that. back on the right track tomorrow though. i have a ton to do and part of it is WOKRING OUT!!!!!

awwww!

tonight my sister and i traded kids. i took her daughter (aka my niece) and she took my son (aka her nephew). so right now there are two little girls going nuts with giggles in my daughter's room. the door is closed and all i can hear is "he he he!!!". lol too funny.

i wanted to tell you all that i was really surprised with all the comments on my last blog (the one about things not moving with my weight loss). i was really touched and so thankful to all of you. ya'll are great. but then, i know you all already know that!!! =)

i think i might stop logging all my food intake because i noticed that since i've been logging it is when i'm not actually losing. not sure if there is a link there but who knows? i wonder if i'm so focused on what i eat and logging it, maybe i'm eating too much or not enough. does that make sense?

i didn't work out at all today which i feel super cruddy about but i foresee a family bike ride, walking at the track, and possibly a workout video in my future for tomorrow. i doubt i'll get all that in along with whatever else we do, but hey... there's no hurt in trying!


on another note, i know that something is going on with the muscles in my legs since i've been upping my workouts cuz they feel sore. and that means they are being worked, right? so that's a good thing. =)


alright well... i think i'm about to hit the sack. i hope everyone had a great saturday... that nikki finally laid eyes (and lips) on her man.... and that amy's tummy is feeling better after the yummies she had today. 


nite ya'll!

what's the deal here?

so as you might already know, i was baneded on march 12, 2010. i lost 7 pounds during the two week pre op liquid diet (i cheated a bit on that) and since i got the band i have lost another 18 pounds. i think that's great and i'm not unhappy with that loss at all. however, i've stayed at that 18 pounds lost mark (215lbs - save for that time when the scale told me i had GAINED) for 11 days now. 11 DAYS!!! i have not lost a thing in 11 days. what's up with that? i mean, i'm exercising everyday doing mainly cardio stuff. walking, bike riding, leslie sansone dvd's (that's the in home walking), wii fitness workouts, stuff like that. and i'm eating like 1200 calories a day or less which is soooo much less than i ate pre band. so why the heck hasn't there been any loss for 11 days now? why???

i have been trying to figure out what i might be doing differently now than i did then. here's what i've noticed.... i started logging my food on like april 14th  and my calories have been anywhere from as a low as 160 a day to 1300 a day depending on exercise (how many i burn) and what i eat (intake). it doesn't seem to be making a difference though whether i get very little calories or a whole lotta calories cuz i still am not losing. 


i started logging my food to keep better track of my calories but it seems that oncfe i started doing that my loss stopped. maybe i should stop tracking again. i mean, damn.


i've talked to a non banded friend of mine and she keeps insisting the weight is gonna come off no matter what i do. but for the past 11 days i haven't seen it. she reminds me that i haven't even had my first fill yet and that that will probably help a lot. maybe that's true, but even so, shouldn't i still be losing something? anything?


i've also noticed that i can eat a lot more than the 4oz that the doc wants me eating. i mean, one day i was able to eat two full natchitoches meat pies. two! i haven't had pasta or rice as i'm scared to death of them, but for the most part i can pretty much eat whatever i want in normal sized portions although i make myself eat much smaller portions that i would have pre band.


and another thing is that i have definitely seen a difference in my clothes. i'm 

mean, i haven't gotten into a whole new size or anything, but things that were tight before aren't so tight now. i never took measurements in the beginning (yeah, beat me now!) so i can't compare those.


so can all you more experienced bandsters out there offer some insight on this? i don't know what to do and i really dread going into my surgeon's office next week and having maybe a 2 lb loss since i was there three weeks ago. sigh!


*** i just realized it's been only 9 days since a loss. but still.***

late night workout

so i ended up loading up the wii game again and setting up my profile. that was easy enough. and since i went that far, i figured why not go ahead and do a 15 minute workout? so i did. and i'm really glad i did. it was a nice workout and the moves were pretty cool. i can really feel how it has done something in my legs. i guess i "feel the burn". yay! that's what i wanted. so, so far i'm pleased with my $17.99 wii my fitness coach game purchase. =)

i feel pretty good about the fact that today i not only walked a mile with leslie, but i did a workout with maya, too. go me! but i must confess, i'm just trying to stay positive and keep my mind off OTHER things. sigh!

nite ya'll.

when life gives you...

today has not been a very good day for me. i had a dr's appt with a retinal specialist that i was referred to when i went for my annual eye exam a few weeks ago. it took a million years. it sucked. but the fact of the matter is not good. i have one of two things they say. i either have a brain tumor or pseudotumor. of course, if i have to choose between the two, i want it to be the latter. pseudotumor has the symptoms of a brain tumor but is really just too much or too thick of spinal fluid. it's more predominate in overweight woman of childbearing age. i sure fit the bill there. obviously this has been a lot to deal with. i have to have an mri done to rule out it being a real tumor. then possibly meds if it's pseudotumor. kinda freaked out. but trying to just take things one day at a time and pray and hope for the best.

needless to say my patience and overall mental status has been jacked since i was at that appt today and i haven't been the nicest person/wife/mother for the rest of the day.

got my wii personal trainer game but i got so irritated with the wii i'm not even gonna try it tonight. come to find out i had the game in backwards but damn if it didn't get me all rawled up.

i'm tired and fussy and getting frustrated with teh scale not moving. maybe i should go do a workout to get the scale to move. damn!

going down?

i believe my scale (or maybe it's me)  is getting "back on track" now. and it's about time. it just told me that i am on the brink of being back at 215 where i was earlier in the week. i'm hoping it continues to take the downward path and not the upwards one again. i'm determined to get that bugger down to 200. well, 204 since my scale is 4 pounds off. damned scale.

on another note..... i been wondering what everyone  else is doing for exercise. so do ya'll wanna share that? i know what some of ya'll are doing but i want more input. like johnny five from that movie in the 80's! lol i've been doing walking, walk in home dvd's, the elliptical (although not as often as i thought i would when i bought it), and some bike riding. mainly walking though. variations of the dvd's and really doing it on a track outside. i'm also about to get wii fitness coach which is a fitness program but not exactly wii fit. it's gotten good reviews though.

and here's a thought on batwings. i don't have any yet (and pray i don't get them but know i prolly will) but has anyone thought of or tried the shake weight? the commerical came on about a zillion times last night and i was wondering if i should give it a try. they even have one out for men now although the men's version is $10 more than the women's. 

but anyway ya'll... telll me your thoughts. please!

so.....

today i went to lunch with my aunt, and two younger cousins (one is about to turn 22, the other is only 2). we ate at chili's and i had some nachos with chicken and cheese on them. they were not that great, so i only had like three. the company was good though and my cousin was telling us some of the details of her third job as a pole dancer. yeah... apparently she made $1200 in a couple hours the other night cuz some millionaire guys from vegas came in. i was like omg. why can't i make some serious cash like that? lol ah... but that's for the skinnies i guess. and she IS skinny. 

but anyway.... my aunt and i went walking after that but we weren't able to get much done cuz my 2 year old cousin was giving us a hard time about walking and not playing. but that's ok. we had a good time.

this evening i discovered my husband had eaten most of my super protein snacks i ordered off the internet. that really pissed me off because he knew i had ordered that sample pack to see what i liked and what i didn't from that particular brand. i had already gone through the stuff and gave him what i knew for a fact i wasn't gonna like. but that wasn't good enough for him. he ate mine, too. i was like wtf? and called him at work to gripe at him about it. sometimes he can be super unthoughtful and inconsiderate like that and i don't get it cuz other times he is the exact opposite - super thoughtful and considerate. i dunno.  pisssed me off.

i did a leslie sansone walk a mile dvd tonight (with my 7  year old daughter of course) and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. i wish the package had said that you needed the stretchy band cuz i didn't buy those when i bought the dvd online so we didn't have them. but i'm going to buy some tomorrow so we'll have them. i really like doing the leslie sansone in home walking stuff. it's great in my opinion. has anyone else tried them? i think i might try the 2 mile next time. i dunno.

ok...well, i have a headache and the inconsiderate man just gome home. lol later ya'll.

it can't be!!!!

so a little while ago i got up to get my kids ready for school. i peed. then i weighed myself. yeah.... so it says i've gained 3 pounds. i'm like wtf? three pounds? really??? are you kidding???? i've been eating not as well as i should but i have been exercising. i guess it's time to step it up a notch. i'm hoping maybe my scale is jacked since i dropped it the other day? could it be? or is it more just wishful thinking on my part? damn. i go for my next dr appt in about a week and i really wanted there to be some more loss to report. now it's looking like there will only be a few pounds. it's frustrating i'm not losing as fast as i thought i would. but i guess a lot of that is me. i'm not the same as everyone else ("we are all different" they say) and i have a hard time not drinking sweet tea, raspberry lemonade and stuff like that. all those "empty" calories. i swear i'm getting back on track with my food and eating though. more fish for me! lol there's no way in hell i'm changing my ticker either. the scale is lying!!! or at least i'm gonna make it tell me i'm at the 215 i was several days ago. it better!!! or else!!!!

bllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

so how in the heck did i just eat four squares of cheese pizza. it was a square pizza and so there weren't really "slices" but "squares" and they were about half the size of a dollar bill. and i ate four of them. 4! how did that happen? i don't have a clue. all i know is that now i feel like poo!!!! portion control!!!!!

lucky 3!!!

right now i am being lazy. oh so very lazy. my husband has taken the kids off somewhere (running errands) and instead of cooking the dinner and doing the laundry i never did last night, i'm sitting here reading blogs and posting a new post to mine. sigh!!!!

so i took some pics today and i think i will post a couple in a bit. but before i do that... here are some of today's wonders!

i wore a pair of pants that were previously really tight and gave me super muffin top. in fact, i used to only wear them in winter paired with a big oversized hoodie to hide that muffin top. today i wore them, they were comfy and i wore a non overly huge shirt with them. yay!!!! so i guess that's nsv number 1.

also.... i attempted to wear one of my favorite old navy xxl shirts today and guess what? it was too big! yay!!!! so i had to toss it aside and find another shirt to wear. something for the sisterhood!!!! that's nsv number 2.

this afternoon, i changed outta my jeans to go walking and put on some workout capris. these used to be pretty tight and not all the comfy. i wore them only in the house cuz they made my butt look bad. but guess what??? they fit alright and i wore them to the walking trail. woohoo! nsv number 3.

three of them in one day. i think that's awesome. now here's the part i don't get....

how is it that i'm noticing it more in my clothes now than ever before (since banding that is) but yet the scale is not moving??? what's up with that???? how is that possible??? has anyone else experienced this??? please share cuz i'm dying to know how it works that my clothes are fitting much looser but my scale says "nope. you haven't lost a thing!". sigh!!!! grrrrr!!!!

so anyway.... here's me today in my comfy jeans and a shirt i haven't worn in a while. (please ignore all the crap in the background and on my dresser.)

 

weeee!!!

just got home from eating dinner at ihop. i think i'm going to die. nope... i'm pretty sure of it, actually. i feel like real poo. i know i ate way way too much. and it didn't even taste all that great. sigh! 

i find myself settling back into old habits... buying sugary fat filled foods at the grocery store, eating more than i should at meals, drinking sips of coke here and there (the doc said i could have two cokes a week) and other things like that. granted i'm not gaining anything but i'm also not really losing either. i mean, it's been a few days since i lost something  but  that doesn't mean i won't get on the scale tomorrow or tuesday and see a positive change. either way though... i'm having issues and don't like having issues.

in other news.... i'm thoroughly enjoying the clothes i got from the sisterhood. right now i'm wearing a teal sleep tank and it's ooooh so comfy! 

i think i'm noticing some changes in my body. i think. still not down a full size in clothes, but i am noticing that pants that were super tight before aren't so tight anymore. tops that i stopped wearing before i'm starting to wear again and that's really cool. i also don't think i look quite so "fat" in the mirror wearing nothing but this form fitting sleep tank and some pj pants whereas before i thought i looked like a big ole fatty in something like this. maybe my mindset about my body is changing or maybe my body is really changing. maybe it's both. who knows???

the husband and i discussed this summer's vacation options since the big d in florida isn't gonna work out for us this year. we agreed that sea world san antonio it'll be since we all wanna go plus it's not that far away. the fact that we all get in free (military salute thing) had a lot to do with it, too. we ARE on a budget after all. so we have scheduled that for mid july as my son goes to year round school and they don't get out for break until the beginning of july. we also have the usual memorial day trip to new orleans (that's an every year staple to visit my family down there) and probably a labor day one down there as well. gotta love those!

i'm not sure if i'll start working again after summer break is over but it's tempting. i guess i'll just have to cross that bridge when i come to it.

well, i guess i better go do some household duties. there's a mt fuji of laundry on the loveseat calling my name. or is it calling my husbands name??? hmmmm.... lol

oh... and i forgot to tell ya'll boobs about this... right now my kids are on this drawing super heros kick. my son heard me talking to my husband about the boobs thing and etc and well, he drew a "super boobs" superhero. yeah... it had six sets of boobs and kinda resembled a hot dog or something. he thought it was great. we had to have a talk about what's appropriate and what's not, but i got a good laugh out of behind closed doors. i'll never think of the boobs group the same way... now they'll all be super boobs! =P

A DAY IN MY LIFE

for lack of much else to say (no scale movements or nsv's or anything of the like), i figure i'll just recap my day for ya'll. so here goes...

this morning my daughter woke me up to inform me that her stepfather (aka my husband, of course) had left to go get a newspaper. since he was gone she wanted to take the opportunity to "tell on him" about how he had "farted really loud by the coffee machine" and that it "stunk really really bad!".  after hearing (and laughing) about that, there was no way i was finding my way back into the wierd ass dream i was having (think figure skaters slithering all over the ice on their bellies and elevators that move not upwards but sideways and through the jungle). 

so i got up, had breakfast, etc. etc. lazied around for a while. btw, is lazied a word? if it's not, it is now. but anyway... then we decided to get dressed and head out into the world. and so we did.

we went and did some shopping and had lunch at the bx. the kids played for a bit. i ended up getting a super cute new purse and a hot pair of designer sunglasses! woohoo!!!


after that we headed over to the lowe's to get the materials to make the dratted dog pen. we ended up having to go to two different locations to find the fencing we were looking for but we eventually found it and all was well. or was it?


there was a minor hitch when my husband tried to tell me that i didn't know what i was talking about when it came to the fencing we were buying. this didn't sit well with me seeing as how i'm a very smart and with it woman who is the only one (with some help from my carpentry gifted sister) who planned the building of this pen. so anyway.... turns out the husband was confused and later admittted to such. as usual!


we made it home, got the pen pretty much built and what a pain in the arse it was. then it started raining when we were almost done so we'll have to finish the last bit tomorrow. in case ya didn't know... there's a lotta rubber mallet banging and bitching involved with that fencing they say is "no fuss". no fuss my butt!


i also did some mowing of the grass with my daughter who insisted on helping.


after we ran in from the rain and were totally soaked to the bone, i did dinner for everyone and can you believe i ate not one, but TWO meat pies. yeah. two whole ones! way more than i should be able to eat i think. so i'm hoping that fill time will be soon for me. thank goodness though i've stayed under my calorie limit for the day. go me!


then i was feeling way guilty for no exercise two days in a row so the girly girl and i did a leslie sansone power walk video. it had like kickboxing in it and really kicked our butts. it's one thing to kick mine (super easy) but another to kick my 7 year old cheerleader daughter's butt (she's hard to wear out!). so i felt pretty good when we were both panting and sweating our butts off and i was actually keeping up with it all. another go me!


so now i am fresh from the shower and really craving some ice cream. i'm gonna try to fight it though. have some water instead. something.


oh....and another great part about today?????


THE SISTERHOOD CLOTHES CAME IN!!!! yeah... i saw the box when we got home from the first round of shopping and i was like a kid at christmas. "it's a box for me! a box for me!!! oh and there's a wasp flying around it! eek! honey can you get it for me????" and of course he did and i immediately ripped it open and looked at everything. yay!!! so happy to get that. thank you soooo much jennifer!!!!!! I LOVE IT ALL!!!!!

i wanna take a drive!

well, tonight my husband and i took the kids to this parents night out kinda thing. we hardly ever get any nights to ourselves. this one comes once a month and it's free (can't get any better than that) so we take them. four free hours to do whatever. we chose to go to the movies and see hot tub time machine. it was good. made us laugh although some parts were grosser than i would have imagined. we liked it though. afterwards we only had about 30 minutes to kill before time to pick up the kids so we decided to go hit the taco bell. yeah... bad food choice but whatever. that's besides the point. what is the point anyway? i dunno, but i'll let ya know when i figure it out. 

so there in the taco bell we get into another one of our discussions we shouldn't be having and ended up in an argument. yeah. that's a long story. one that i'm not going into right now. but anyway....

so now things are wierd and he's being wierd and i don't think i'm being wierd. i'm prolly more pissed than wierd,but it's just irritating in general. men!!!!

tomorrow we have so much crap to do. we are building a pen for our dog (he's actually my husband's dog and i just married into him lol) because i'm tired of not being able to have any nice yard furniture on our patio becuase the dog tears it up. i'm also tired of the kids not being able to play in the yard cuz the dog poops everywhere. so we are building our dog a pen where he will have a large PART  of the yard, but we still get to have a PART, too. to make it fair and all, ya know? so we gotta go to lowe's and get all the supplies and then build the thing.

i also want to do some shopping in general and there's no way i'm not doing any exercise tomorrow. today was the first day in days that i didn't get my exercise in and i've felt like poo about it. and then i went and ate taco bell,too! damn.

but anyway.... 

i'm still pretty bummed about not being able to do the boobs chicago trip and i guess it's gonna take me a little while to get over that. i just hope there's another one next year and that i can go to it. i heard something about it being in florida next year and if that's the case then that's so much more doable for me since i can totally drive to florida and back. technically i guess i could drive to chicago and back too but damn that'd be a long drive. alone!!! 

heck... if it's in florida maybe some of us closer bandsters (like texas, louisiana, arkansas, etc.) can do a caravan together! woohoo!!! that'd be fun.

well.... i think i'm gonna go have a cookie now. yeah....frown...but after tonight i think i need it! at least mentally that is!

nite ya'll!

yawn!

this morning i overslept. yeah. not so great. 2nd day in a row. had to wake the kids up and rush to get them ready. not fun, but we did it. we being me and the husband. yeah.. he helps out. love it.  a lotta men wouldn't but i'm glad mine does. he's gone to take them to school right now. whew!

so thanks for all the sweet "we will miss you" comments. that was nice and totally unexpected. ya'll are too sweet!

oh... and checkout my new signature i got.  i saw how great others' looked, so i had to have my own. wah la!

three miles and no boobs

today i went walking with my aunt again. again we did three miles! i love it when we do three miles. it makes me feel good. it may not seem like much to some but it's a real step for me seeing as how i've never walked more than a mile at a time since my teenage days. so i get pretty stoked when it happens. especially more than once a week. woohoo!!!

my aunt and i are also talking about joining a gym together. fit nation. it's only 25 bucks a month for a 24hr gym membership and free tanning. yeah... i'm not big on tanning cuz i'm super afraid of getting skin cancer with my ghost white skin but i'm kinda thinking on giving it a try. and i talked to my husband again and he finally agreed that i can join a gym if i really want to although he still doesn't get why i don't wanna go to the free one on base. well... let's see... if i wanted to work out with a buncha air force dudes i would gladly go. but i don't so i don't wanna.

so everyone has been talking about boobs and the trip to chicago. here are my thoughts on it...

i realize that i'm not really what i consider to be one of the "popular" bloggers. and i'm ok with that. i was never popular in school either so no biggie there. with that said, i'll go ahead and express that i don't think anyone will ever notice i'm not there. and who could blame them because i prolly wouldn't notice someone else not being there if i was there having the great time that it sounds like it's gonna be. but don't get me wrong... i would like to go. i think it would be fun and cool and a million other great things. but unfortunately, i don't really think it's feasible for me, us, or our family this year. =(

i mean, we were trying to plan a trip to disney in florida this year since the military get super discounted tickets and none of us (not even me and my husband) have ever been before. but then job things changed and that changed financial things and well.... it's just not gonna be our year for disney. sniff sniff. but we are gonna be ok with that and take a smaller and closer and cheaper trip instead. we are thinking sea world and six flags in san antonio or something of the like. and we are going to keep our fingers crossed and hope that disney decides to offer it's "military salute" again next year so we can maybe do that then. or the year after since we are already planning a cruise for next year (another first for us all).

so anyway.... even if we could swing it financially, it would be a huge burden on the family with me gone and school back in and my husband working who knows what shift. not to mention that i'd feel oh so terribly guilty spending all that money on a trip by myself when i feel like i should be spending it on a family trip or something of the like.

know what i mean?

i guess it's just sacrifices that have to be made and decisions that have to be made and we can't have all we want. and i'm ok with that. i wasn't raised spoiled (unlike my husband). i am used to not getting everything i want and i'm actually ok with it. it's just a fact of life.

so while i'd really love to come and meet all ya'll... like amy said in her earlier blog... it's just not really possible for me right now. i know that she might get to go now and that's so wonderful. but i don't think that's gonna change so fast for me. not with two kids and school and money and everything else it all hinges on.

but anyway.... those are my thoughts on that....

i had some other stuff to say but now i can't remember what it was. oh well. maybe it'll come back to me. maybe i'll remember it in the morning cuz i'm sure as heck tired now and about to hit the sack!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

today my scale told me i lost another pound. woohoo! that was a great start to the day. things went well. i went walking with my aunt and we walked three miles together. that's the most i've walked at once so i'm pretty happy about it. it didn't even seem like three miles even though it was. i guess the company and conversation really made it go by faster and seem like less.

somehow the topic of wls came up and she made a comment about not understanding why folks don't wanna tell everyone about if they had it. figuring my mother had probably already told her (my mother has a huge mouth even when told to keep things quiet) i told her i had had the lapband. she acted surprised so i guess i'll never know if my mom really spilled the beans. but she was receptive to it and even said that she would like to have it, too, but can't afford it and doesn't have insurance. i felt bad for her. =(

i might start watching her youngest daughter in a couple of months so that will bring in some extra funds. i have decided to continue to stay at home at least throughout the summer since the kids will be outta school. i will re evaluate my desire to work/the job market/our financial situation after school starts back in august.

i must confess i've been having a little ice cream and semi regularly. i feel bad about it but the fact that i'm obviously still losing doesn't make me feel quite so bad. i really dont wanna feel like i'm depriving myself but i know i really shouldn't be having it. oh what to do??? lol

tomorrow i'm taking my daughter to my hairdresser to have her new haircut fixed. who knew that the jcpenney salon would do such a hack job to a 7 year old's hair? i will never be making that mistake again. i've found it's really hard to find a really good stylist these days. i've finally found one and i guess i will follow her wherever she goes and pay whatever she asks for the surity that my hair (and my daughter's) will look good in the end. oh the tasks of being women!!! lol

back from deadland

i dunno how long it's been since i've posted, but it feels like forever. so here's what's been going on....

my computer took a huge dump. yeah. it was pretty crazy. and frustrating. i could use it but i couldn't access internet explorer or mozilla firefox. it was like my computer was on strike from the internet. so i had to call tech support to see what i needed to do. that was back up the darned thing and then completely restore it to factory specs. yeah. pain in the big ole butt. but i did it and it worked and here i am now. woohoo!!!

what else????

i got a pedicure on wednesday or thursday and that was great. i got my hair cut and a whole new style on friday and that was also great. i got my nails done today and they look great. my daughter - who is 7 and has had long blonde hair for the majority of her life - suddenly decided she wanted to hack off her lovely hair and donate it to locks of love. this was a great idea and something i've been trying to talk to her about for a while now. she's always refused and wanted to keep her hair. but i was sooo proud of her today for donating her hair to someone who doesn't have any and she was such a big girl about it. it was awesome. and her new style makes her look like a whole new girl! it's adorable!!!

hmmm....let's see....

i put on some pj pants the other day that used to be pretty tight on my butt. well, they aren't so tight anymore. they are actually more comfy. so that was awesome.

and today while i was getting my nails done, i looked in the mirror (they have mirrors along the whole wall facing you when you are having your nails done) and i think i can actually see the weight loss in my face. others say they see it but i didn't think i did. but now i think i do. so that's great, too.

things are feeling good. so good.

oh... and i made one of those as seen on tv purchases today. the heeltastic. i just wanna see if it really works and will let me keep super soft feet all the time. i'll let ya'll know how that goes!

WL Progress

come monday, april 12, i will be officially one month out from having gotten my band. unless i lose more pounds in the next three days (wouldn't that be awesome???) my total loss for this first month has been 17 pounds or .55 pound a day. i think that's pretty good and seem about average comared to some. i saw that gen's first month loss was 18 pounds and she's looking great now so i think i'm on the right track! woohoo!

oh... and i'm totally stepping up my exercise. today we went on another bike ride. 20 minutes this time. and i'm going to do either 25 minutes of walking or 15 minutes of elliptical later today as well. oddly enough, i'm actually enjoying all the exercising. it's starting to become fun. i was even thinking about learning to play tennis. i tried learning in high school but i always sucked and those competitive girls in gym got so mean! sniff sniff!