swirly brain!

i know i've been the absentee blogger again. i don't wanna be but somehow it just keeps ending up that way. sigh.

my year is going out with a bang i guess. things have been crazy - and i mean KU-RAY-ZEE - these past couple of months. if it's not one thing, it's another, or another or another. the list seems neverending and i'm just surprised that i'm still here to kinda sorta tell about it. and i say kinda sorta because actually telling about it all would take pages and pages and hours and hours of my time and yours (whoever you are reading this and i do hope someone is... lol). my husband is driving me nuts. and i mean nuts. and from what he says i'm driving him nuts, too. and not just the kinda nuts where you're like "oh he makes me crazy but i love him." i'm talking the kinda nuts where you're like "hmmm... should we really even be together?".

we are supposed to be leaving to go out of town today to visit my family and i have no motivation - ZERO - to do it. it's not that i don't wanna see them i just don't feel like the long drive. it's five to seven hours depending on how many stops you make and the idea of being locked in the car that long - with my husband and my wild children - is just not that appealing to me. but i'm gonna do it because i should and maybe once we get there - i'm hoping - that things will start looking up. 

my ticker might tell this story better than i can but i haven't lost anything - NOTHING - in about two months. yeah. TWO FREAKING MONTHS!!!! what's up with that? well, i know what's up with that. it's all on me. i made the decision not to get another fill til after the holidays. thankfully though i didn't GAIN anything over the holidays. now they are almost over (new years is coming) and then i will be back on the track. i will go get a fill and get back to my exercising and eating better. i will dammit!

i still haven't been to a zumba class - my friends suck and either they are too broke - i mean, really??? it's only $5!!!! - or too full of excuses to wanna go with me. sigh! then the one chick that i coulda gone with went and got pregnant so now she's outta the runnings for a workout buddy, too. sigh! i'm happy for her though. this baby has been a long time coming.

i talked to another friend of mine about hitting the gym after the new year and the kids get back to school. she said yes but she's kinda flakey sometimes so we will see if that pans out.

i'm thinking of purchasing that zumba fitness for the wii. anyone tried it? it got good reveiws at several different places online so that makes me feel pretty good about it. plus you do it in your own home which is another plus for me since i feel wierd going and doing it at a place without buddies to cheer each other on.

i've only got 34 pounds left to go to reach my goal and i need to get outta this rut that i'm in.

probs

ok ya'll... i have a problem. it's called.... SWEETS! yes. dratted ass sweets. candies and cokes and hot cocoa and whatever else appeals to me at the time. it's in my house and i want to eat it. and i do. and i think that's why my scale isn't moving. well, that and me being sporadic in my workouts. sigh. i have two kids so snackies are a given. but how do you keep yourselves from eating them???? it's so hard to resist!!!

omg!

wow! two days of posting in a row. lol

today i went to the gym with my new workout buddy. i dislike her already! lol she had me doing things that totally kicked my ass. my legs feel like they are going to die and sitting down is sooo painful. going up and down the stairs in my house is like torture!!! but at the same time, i feel great about it.

too long but not long gone

so it feels like it's been forever since i've made a post. oh wait.... IT HAS BEEN FOREVER! 

i went and read some of ya'll's newest updates (the ones that blogger had waiting there for me) and i must say that i find myself jealous of some of you. ok... a lot of you. i read how well ya'll are doing and think "damn. i'm slacking!". but i know the rule is not to compare myself to others and i try not to but sometimes it's just really hard not to. i need to remind myself that this is all up to me. that i can make it what i want it to be and lately i haven't been making anything of it. of course, i'm not eating like i used to but i'm also not exercising or drinking the amount of water that i'm supposed to or avoiding sweets like i'm supposed to and well... need i go on?

so if i haven't been doing all the things i'm supposed to be doing, what have i been doing? well, hmmmm..... a lot believe it or not.

my son had to be hospitalized two times in the past month. and shortly after my son got out of the hospital, my husband had surgery and is now laid up (and driving  me nuts!) until after the new year. it has now been officially an ENTIRE YEAR since my daughter has seen her father (his doing, not hers or mine, and that's a long story i won't go into here or now). i'm not working but i feel like i am because there's always something going on everyday. one of us is always haveing one appt or another or having one thing after another. it seems neverending. i often wonder to myself how i would be surviving right now if i were working full time like i used to. the answer to that is, i wouldn't have. well, i would have lived but i would have totally had to quit or be fired by now with all the work i would have missed. but thankfully i'm not having to deal with that.

so let me now talk about my progress.... 

i'm at 184lbs. that's 56 pounds lost and 34 pounds to go until i hit my goal of 150 pounds. i'm 8 months out and constantly asking myself why i haven't lost more. but at the same time i'm thinking hello!!! i've lost 56 pounds!!!! that's really great. i guess i just thought it would be faster and easier than it is. but it's not and it's been kicking my ass. lol  would i do it again? oh hell yes! cuz i know i'll hit that coveted 150 if i just get my act together!

the evil scale told me i gained 6 to 7 pounds last week but i think it was just being a butt. or it could have been the fact that aunt flo was in for a visit.  or maybe it was all the halloween candy that i stole out of my kids pumpkin buckets. bad mommy!!! lol thankfully i'm back down to the 184 again and i don't wanna see that scale go up again like it did.

i think i've finally found a workout partner!!!! i'm so excited about that. see... my daughter plays soccer on base and the season just ended. we had the end of the season party at one of her fellow teamate's houses and me and a friend of mine ended up being the last folks to leave. we just stayed there and the kids all played and we all visited and it was great. since i'm not big into using real names on here (i'm a spaz, remember?) i will call this new friend/potential workout buddy p.k. at the party she talked about wanting to get togehter and work out and etc, but lots of folks say that and never follow through. well, i got an email from her today about hitting the base gym tomorrow and i'm all on that. we are meeting up at 10:30 and i can't wait. finally someone with some follow through to actually work out with me!!! could this be my dream come true???? oh...and i did i mention that she's an officer's wife and totally blasts away that whole "officer's wife" stereotype that everyone (other enlisted base folks) seem to have about them? 

well, anyway... it's getting kinda late and i gotta get up way early in the morning. i have my son's awards program at 9:15 (but i wanna get there early for good seating) and then working out at the gym right after that. other errands to run after that and then the daily duty of getting the kids at car line (oh how i hate car line) and then on to my son's counseling appt. after which we are supposed to attend a homework seminar at the school but i'm thinking that might have the kids out too late on a school night and so i might have to forgo that one. but anyway....


it's been really great posting again and i need to make more of an effort to do it more often. i miss posting and reading ya'll's posts.

checking in with an nsv!

ok....so.... today my non banded sister texted me that she got into a size 14 jeans. granted they were super super tight and caused a mega muffin top, she was still excited that she got into them. well, i was excited for her, too, but at the same time a little jealous.i was like wtf? she's not even banded! how can she do that and i can't?

so that threw me onto a tirade of trying on all the "motivational" clothing that has been given to me by my banded friend who kept shrinking out of it all. some of it fit - yay! i have two more pairs of jeans to add to my currently wearing jeans collection. however, some of it didn't (the size 12 jeans from american eagle although that was close). but then i tried on a pair of size 14 pants that i had given to the banded friend before she was banded but then she gave them back after banding. well, guess what? those bitches fit! yep. a bit tighter than i like to wear my pants (these are dress pants from old navy) but dammit i was in them. a size fourteen!!!!!

so that made me feel great although i didn't share this with my sis as i didn't wnat to rain on her parade with my excitement about mine.

so that's awesome. i'm so excited. i can fit into a size 14 and i'm at 188 pounds. i can't even really remember the last time i was at 188 lbs. i have 38 pounds to go to my goal. only 38!!!!!!

sometimes i think my weight loss is too slow and not what i want it to be. that maybe i'm doing this all wrong and not doing good enough.but it's times like these that i get excited and think yes! i am doing this right. i'm getting there. i really am!

going nuts!

so.... I GOT THE FILL.  well, a tiny one that it was. she only wanted to do a 1/2 cc since she says that she thinks i'm having sinus drainage issues that could be filling up my pouch sometimes. so she told me to take my liquid zyrtec religiously everyday and we will see if i get another 1/2 cc at my next appt in one month. she also wanted to know why i hadn't been in for four months. yeah. i know. compliance is key and part of that is going to my appts like i'm supposed to!

yesterday i went to do my workout dvd's. finally got some motivation. well, guess what? i couldn't find a one of them anywhere. yeah... what's up with that? so i had to find one available to watch online. so i did a one mile powerwalk and that was good. and then yesterday evening i went bike riding with my daughter, her friend, and her friend's mom (who is my new friend btw) so that was good, too. yay!!! i'm back on the exercise wagon!

my son is currently driving me insane right now. it's one thing after another with him. he's special needs and i know i need to be thankful that he's not paralyzed or has some horrible disease or something but sometimes it's just really hard not to freak out at things that go awry. 

so i told my doc yesterday that i'm having a problem. i've heard of it before. see my banded friend has it, too. she went from a size 18/20 to a size 8/10 and still thinks she's fat and tries to wear my size 16 clothes. i tell her shes' nuts. well, i realized that i kinda do the same thing. i'm like i feel fatter now, then i did 51 pounds heavier. how does that make any sense at all? she says it's quite common and of course, a mental thing.

i didn't really notice much of a difference with my baby fill. but we will see.

oh. and they gave me a print out of my pre op pic that they have in my file. i about died when i saw it. it doesn't even look like me. i'll have to post some comparisons later. 

up and at em?

well, today is the day i'm going to have my third fill. FINALLY!!! i haven't had a fill since...hmmmm.... let's see.... june 1 to be exact. wow. that's four months back. yeah... i'm totally overdue. i probably should have been about two months ago. my loss has totally platueaed (did i totally butcher that word? LOL). i haven't lost anything in a while. i thought i lost one pound the other day but now it's says it's back so i'm like what the heck? what's going on here? need to get back on track. anyone noticed a pattern with me saying that? lol

i'm about to do one of my favorite workout videos, take a shower, and go get some errands done before my fill appt today. not looking forward to hardly being able to eat anything since i've gotten so used to eating almost how i want to, but that's ok. that's what i did this for. to lose weight and be healthy and by golly and i'm going to do it. back on track i tell you!!!!

in other news.... the eye infection is god. thank goodness! that really sucked. and the $114 pair of glasses are just sitting on my dressing doing nothing. damned glasses. 

anyone got any good ideas on how to get motiviated? in a variety of ways... like i need motivation to organize my home (we still have things we haven't unpacked from the move and you'd think i'd never heard of decorating! lol). i need motivation to get back in working out. i need motivation to drink more water. i need motivation to feel well... motivated. lol

i think this crack box computer is part of my problem. maybe i should start limiting myself that way i'll get more stuff done. offline stuff that is. does anyone else have that prob? the computer sucking up their time?

i can't believe the holidays are around the corner. my kids are going to be a ninja and a punk witch this halloween. not sure if me and the hubby are dressing up yet or not. last year we were a family of pirates! this year apparently we won't be themed.  or maybe he can be a ninja and i can be a witch and we'll be matching witches and warriors! that sounds good to me!

under the weather

ok... so yesterday was the day but the fill didn't happen. here's what DID happen:

i woke up to a red eye. yep. red red red. and itchy and sore. i suspected pink eye. but regardless of what was going on with my eye i still did only liquids so i could get my fill that afternoon (my doc's policy on fills). 

a trip to the eye doc confirmed my suspicions. pink eye! so i was given a script for drops and carried on my way. they told me not to wear my contacts for three days or so (eek!) and since i'm totally blind without them (i'm for real!) i had to get a quick (and pricey - $114) pair of glasses made. choosing a pair that looked decent on me was difficult as hell seeing as how i haven't worn anything but contacts since high school. so i had my husband come up there to help me pick out a pair. he ended up being no help at all. sigh! anyway... i got the darned expensive glasses with those super thin lenses (which are still pretty dang thick anyway) but i think they look dorky. they probably do. anyway....


upon leaving the eyeglasses place my husband was like "well, i guess you aren't getting your fill today". i was like what? oh yes i am! so then he went on to say that he didn't think the doc would want to do it since i'm sick and contagious and etc. so i decided to call and ask the doc's office. well, can you believe it? my husband was RIGHT. he's never right but this time he was. i was shocked. and disappointed. i was ready for that fill and i was starving by that point from being on liquids only all day.


i rescheduled another fill appt for next wednesday and then quickly headed to chick fil a to eat a grilled chicken breast out of one of their sandwiches. lol


so here i am now, glasses on, feeling dorky, and thinking something is wrong with the right lense. it looks like everything is moving around when i walk but only out of the right side. the left side seems ok. but i can't take them back to the glasses place to get it fixed right now cuz i'll be blind while they are fixing them. so i just gotta wait it out until i can wear my contacts again (maybe tomorrow???) and then i'll get these darn glasses fixed in case i ever need them again. what a pain.


did i mention that getting used to these glasses gives me a real headache? well, it does. and it sucks.


hello, i'm bitchy and whiney. what's your name? lol

jealous of the fabulous boobs and whatever else....

i must admit.... i'm totally jealous of all you boobs out there. oh how i wish i could have gone, too. but i couldn't so i didn't and that's that i guess. i hope you all had a fabulous time and maybe one day i'll be a boob, too. 

so what's new with me you asked? or maybe didn't ask... lol... today the scale said i'm 189. yeah. 189. i honestly don't know when the last time i saw the 180's was. a long ass time ago that's for sure. i'm very pleased about that. very pleased. 39 pounds to go til i hit my goal. only 39 pounds. it's almost unbelievable since before it was 90 pounds to go. wow.

i'm supposed to go for a fill tomorrow. it would be my third. however, i gotta reschedule my appt. well, i don't gotta but i probably should. my husband is working 12's this week and me going would mean asking him to take off work early to keep the kids while i go get filled up. however, the doc said i could take my kids with me so i'm contemplating that idea. although i'm still not really sure if i actually NEED one. i mean, i can eat more than i should be able to, however, i still get stuck on some foods. a banded friend says i will always have the stuck problem even when i need a fill. it's just how it is with some foods. i'm not losing much anymore (only 1 pound over the last month) but at the same time i'm not exercising. and i noticed that i lost a pound and went to 189 after i did more activity for the past couple days. so it's got me to thinking.... well, what i already know.... which is GET UP OFF MY ASS AND EXERCISE!!!

i found some new gummie vitamins that i love. they are your life gummies and they taste awesome!!!

i've started taking b supplements and i've noticed my energy increasing. thank god! i was starting to get worried about myself for a while.

oh...and get this... i'm a cheer coach for my daughter's squad. the other day i was wearing one of the coach shirts that says her school's name and then "cheerleaders" under it. this lady in line in front of me at marshall's was looking at my shirt and was like "so... are you a cheerleader?". i was like "uh... no.... i'm a cheer coach and cheer mom". it's kinda wierd to me for her to think i was a freaking cheerleader but at the same time if she thought that i could possibly do even a portion of what cheerleaders do, then i must not be quite as big as i think i am! lol then the same lady went on and on about how great my lips are and even made me come over to her cashier so the cashier could see my lips. it was wierd but who doesn't mind flattering compliments? lol

tomorrow i'm getting bacck on the exercise wagon. i have to. i need to. i'm so ready to get rid of that 39 pounds and be at my goal. it's not that far away. i mean, i've already lost 51, what's another 39, right??? i'm starting to get my motivation back i think and i've missed it sooo much! not to mention that i have tons of great comfy workout clothes that i need to put to good use! lol

what the heck is THIS place?

hello my long lost friends. where i have been? where have you been? honestly, i have no idea where i'm at right now. still in onederland but i think i'm wandering around somewhere lost. i mean, i'm not losing but i'm not really gaining either. i'm eating but not as much as i did pre band. i think i need a fill, but at the same time don't really feel like i want one. i know i need to work out, i keep saying i'm going to, but i don't. i tell myself to make good food choices but find myself eating sweets on a daily basis. what's wrong with me? where am i?

today (well, the 12th) is/was my six month bandiversary and i couldn't feel less.... well.. banded. i haven't been to a weigh in with my doc in a really long time. i'm talking like june i think. i keep saying i'm going to make the appt and go, but i never do. i just don't get what my deal is.


i should be so happy with my 50 pound loss. over halfway to my goal. i should be gung ho and ready to go to lost those last forty something pounds. but i'm just not feeling i and i don't understand why.


i wonder if i'm settling back into my old ways. i mean, i can eat a bit more now than i could before. i guess my restriction isn't the greatest anymore and i find myself enjoying eating. i want to eat. a lot. at times when i'm not supposed to and i want to eat all the things i'm not supposed to. i've even debated trying to see if i could get macaroni to go down and be ok? i haven't done it and swear i won't, but why the hell am i even thinking about it? have i been possessed by the old pre banded me?


the other day a banded friend of mine talked me into trying on a pair of her size 12 american eagle jeans. i was only about 2 inches from getting them buttoned and zipped.  i wasn't excited or even phased at all. i didn't realize it at the time but now i'm like "wtf?". i mean, i haven't even been able to think about a size 12 jean since i can't even remember when! but still...


i'm feeling so unmotivated and lost. =*(

progress pics

so i thought i would share some progess pics tonight....

here is me 8 months BEFORE my lap band surgery. i was about 233 pounds.

and here's me almost six months AFTER my lap band and 50 pounds down. i weigh 190 here.

a friend of mine and me just took the 2nd pic this evening and i decided to compare it to one that we took back in july of last year. i couldn't believe the difference! i'm like "wow!".

hello.... is it me you're looking for?

well, as usual it's been quite a while since i've checked in here. what can i say? things are insane in my life. both in bad ways and good. i've got a million things going on and don't make time for blogging like i should. but i am still here. =)

weight loss updates...

i've officially lost 50 pounds!!! i realized the other day that that is EXACTLY the same as this huge bag of dog food that we bought for our dog the other day. it's sitting in my garage right now and sometimes i go in there and look at it and think "was that really on my body?". well, yep. it sure was. and it's gone now. it's freaking amazing.

i'm over halfway to my goal. my goal is to lose 90 pounds. i've only got 40 more to go. what a wonderful feeling.

my exercise regimen is still sucking. well, who am i kidding? it's pretty much non exsistent. but i'm working on changing that. well, i sorta am. ok... i'm kinda half assing it but dammit i have good intentions! lol

i've only had two fills and am at 5cc in my 9 cc band. i'm thinking about going for another fill soon but i'm not sure.

people are commenting on how much smaller i'm getting and i'm seeing it in the mirror and in my clothes and stuff. it's a nice feeling.

in other news...

the kids are back in school which has me busy as ever. my husband is having surgery in just a few days. one of my best friends is moving to alaska in a month and i dunno what i'm gonna do without her.


oh...and i feel like i must be the only one who hasn't tried zumba yet. sigh!

ghost blogger?

yes. i know i'm a ghost blogger. i'm hardly ever here anymore. i'm sorry. things are fine with me and my band. i did throw up for the first time since surgery the other weekend. it was damned curly fries. i wanted to have a few. bad idea! other than that all is well. i'm still losing, it's slowly though. and i've noticed i can eat more than previously. my mind says it's time for a fill but everytime i get ready to make an appt to get one, i have a mini stuck episode and question if i should get one or not. any advice from you experienced folks out there? i've only had two fills and i'm at 5cc's in a 10 cc band. i would also like to include the info that i'm not "dieting" per se but just kinda winging it and my exercise could be better, too. i know that if i were to step up the exercise my weight loss would be a lot more despite the fact that i can eat a bit more now. shrug.

an update from your half a$$ blogger friend

yeah...that's right, ya'll. i feel like a total half ass blogger. i mean, i haven't blogged in i dunno how long and the list of blogs that i need to read to catch up on ya'll's really seems neverending. so let me apologize now for not staying up to date on all your lives, triumphs, tribulations, and whatever else ya'll got going on. i'm sorry. and if you don't bother reading mine, then i don't blame ya! 

but if you are still reading now... here's what i have to say...

my kids have been home for the summer and so have i as i'm still doing the whole "stay at home mom" thing and let me tell you.... i'm sooooo ready for school to start back. we are all driving each other nuts. i had all these great things planned for me and the kids to do this summer... yeah... haven't happened. probably not happening. you see, everytime i take my kids out in public - whether it be a walmart excursion or just going to the library - it's a huge ordeal. it's my kids acting like they have no manners or no clue how to behave in public. it's my kids spinning the clothing racks as fast as they can at children's place while i'm trying to check out and the cashier's like "are those your kids?" and i'm thinking "omg.... ARE those my kids???". it's my son throwing himself on the floor of the entrance to the commissary and then flalling (is that a word?) his arms and legs in the air while going "goo goo ga ga". it's my daughter who has reverted back to babytalk and we don't know why. so you see.... i'm counting down the days til i can drop them off at school again.

now what else is new????

i'm down to 196 pounds. yeah. onederland is wonderful. sadly though, i haven't done anything to celebrate my accomplishment. i don't know what to do. i'm officially one pound away from being halfway to goal. one pound away! can you believe it?i can't! 

shopped the mega old navy clearance event twice recently and i'm in size large shirts (the xl's are mostly too big now!) and size large bottoms or size 16 jeans. what a great feeling. i can't remember the last time i bought size large tops and size 16 jeans. a long ass time ago!!!

oh...and i've become one of those extreme couponing people. but let me tell you, it's addicting and i'm saving a ton of money. today alone i saved $134. it's a great feeling and makes me not feel as guilty for not working. sometimes i feel that way. the hubby says i shouldn't. it just still feels wierd staying home when i've always worked all my life.

my eating habits and workout habits have been horrible lately. but i'm still losing so at least that's good. i keep telling myself that as soon as the kids are back in school it's back on the workout wagon for me. and i mean it! i'm hoping zumba will be the answer to my workout prayers. something fun and working out at the same time.

well,i realy should get some sleep. i mean, it's only 1:13am. lol 

i've seen it!

today. i saw it today! twice. what did i see, you ask?

ONEDERLAND!!!!!!

and it was wonderful!!!! i'm a little worried it might be gone tomorrow as i tend to fluctuate a pound or two  a lot of the time. but dang it, i can't believe i saw it today. 199 it said to me.  the last time i saw that was five years ago! five!!!

i have no idea what i'll do to celebrate it but wow. i'm only a few pounds heavier than my husband now. which means it won't be too long before i'm passing him by and i will actually weigh LESS than him.  that, to me, is a feat of itself as i've always been heavier than most guys i've dated. well maybe not ALWAYS but usually. and i know i'm not dating my husband but ya'll know what i mean!

oh...and my daughter took some random pics of me yesterday while she was playing with my camera and i'm going to post some. i feel like i actually look kinda.... dare i say it.... skinny..... in them? yeah...shocking myself here! i'll have to post so ya'll can see. i don't really FEEL skinny and at a size 16/17 i know i'm not but it's wierd. 

but oh so lovely seeing the onederland is. oh so lovely!

the misses

things i miss:

bread

rice

cheeseburgers

sandwiches

corn

strawberries

grapes

things i don't miss:

asthma

getting winded just walking to and from my car in a parking lot

not being able to buy clothes that fit at regular (non plus size) stores

feeling fat all the time

feeling guilty for eating a whole box of snack cakes in one sitting

sneaking food

being asked when i'm due (hello! i am not pregnant!)

drinking four glasses of coke before the food even arrives

notice all the things i miss are foods? hmmm.... how interesting is that? yeah i miss those foods but i'm better off without them. and getting better and better everyday.

what kinds of things do ya'll miss and not miss?

all good things...

my husband and i have been fighting all day. hell, we've been fighting for days truth be told. it seems like one issue after another. one of the biggest is his family. they all hate me for some reason. especially his twin brother. i've never even met these people except for the twin who i met for like 30 minutes over a dinner at olive garden when my husband and i had just started dating. i've never done anything wrong to this man but he hates me with a passion and has tried to convince my husband to leave me and has tried to be such an ass to me that he was hoping i'd leave his brother. neither tactic has worked but damn if it doesn't make our life and marriage difficult. it's a long ass story that i won't continue on with but wow... is it frustrating!

today i did some more shopping. desperately needed retail therapy although my wallet didn't need it! lol  i got two pairs of workout capris in a size LARGE (yay again!) and a couple XL shirts. 

then just a bit ago i got this silly notion to go try on a pair of jeans i've been waiting to fit into. guess what? they fit! so exciting! they are super cute lei jeans from wally world that i bought off ebay in anticipation of getting into them. and now i'm into them!!! juniors size 17 - that's me! what a great feeling. i'm also in size 16 in old navy stuff which is great as well.

so here's something i'm a little fussy about.... why doesn't walmart carry lei jeans anymore? is it just cuz it's summer and will they be making a comeback come winter or are they gone for good? i sure hope not as i love love love those lei's. they fit me like they were made for me and they look so cute! i get compliments everytime i wear a pair and they are inexpensive, too. can ebay really be the only place to find them now?


i just did a google search and found the lei official website which does link to walmart and says only available at walmart. apparently walmart is still carrying lei but not the jeans right now. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for this winter and a slew of awesome jeans showing up at my local walmart. who knows what size i'll be then but you better believe i'll be stocking up!


ya'll probably think i'm nuts and maybe i am but oh well. does anyone else absolutely love these jeans? am i crazy? a friend of mine has a thing for american eagle jeans. i've never tried those but i know what i love and that's the lei's and their low cost price tags and cute style. even my 8 year old daughter loves her lei jeans. they are her faves over old navy and children's place! lol


ok...the nutcase jean freak is going to be now. =P

a little while ago

two zero zero

this morning i woke up expecting to see the same old number staring at me on the scale as i weigh daily (like a ritual right after i pee!). well, today it had a surprise for me.

200!

i cannot tell you how long it's been seen i've seen that 2 with 2 zero's behind it. a really really long time. like probably when my daughter was 2 1/2 and i was taking adipex out the wah to try and lose some. and i did lose some. i remember getting down to 192 or 193 i think. but on the way down there was the last time i actually remember seeing 200 on my scale. that was SIX YEARS ago! SIX YEARS!!!

i'm just shocked. stunned. like OMG! next thing i'll be in onederland. i'm tempted to kick myself in the ass as i known i'd be there already were i not being a perpetual slug, but dammit.... i'm just proud and happy to be this close no matter what!

sometimes when i'm eating something and i wanna eat more, i get fussy when my band won't let me. but it's time like these where i am oh so reminded why i am here and what i'm doing and how great my band is and what a great decision this was. 

oh my band. how i love you!

some progress pics

so i thought i'd share some progress pics with ya'll. here they are...

12 pounds down side and frontal shots:

and here is 36lbs down side and frontal shots:

 
as you can see, i'm wearing the same outfit in both pics - same shirt, same pants. only thing is in the first set of pics (12 lbs down) i had totally stretched out the shirt so that it would fit decent while i was wearing it. something i called "the shirt stretch". if a shirt was too tight when i put it on, i would pull my arms inside and stretch it out a bit so it wouldn't fit so tight. well, i did that a lot before... when i took the second set of pics, no shirt stretch was needed! woohoo!

the thing i notice the most about the pics and comparing them is that my butt looks way different in the second set. like not as round and it sits higher or something. lol

a new experience?

ok.... so tonight i went shopping. i've been needing some new bras and figured now was as good a time as any to go get some. i tried on about ten at target. not a one fit right or looked right or felt right or did my boobs right.  and a little background on this is that a friend of mine introduced me to lane bryant bras and i've never found any other since then that make my boobs look so good. i was foolish to think target could hack it. they clearly couldn't. 

so i headed over to the lane bryant which was coveniently just a short drive down from target. as i pull up to the store, i see they have those big signs out saying it's the semi annual sale! well, what a lucky day for me!

so i go in and i'm doing my shopping and i was a little irked that none of the workers acknowledged me or offered to help me find what i was looking for and i was having a hard time looking for it. but eventually i found some to try on and as i was going to the dressing room, i noticed two other shoppers looking at me funny. i just shrugged it off and went on about my way to try on my bra selections.

so i tried everything on realized that i've gone from a 44C (i'm a D in every other brand but lane bryant - sigh!) to a 40C. i'm pleased with the inch decrease and the fact that my boobs haven't shrunken cup size! so that was a great discovery.

but anyway.... i had to get the sales girl to help me out with finding more bras in my 40C size as they were buy two get two free so i had to find two more free ones! and in the waiting process of that, i noticed that those two ladies were looking at me funny again and whispering among themselves. i looked myself over and thought "what???". then i had a realization.... i was the smallest person shopping in the whole store! so i wondered to myself, could they be balking at me shopping there? really? granted, yes, the only things that fit me there now are the bras probably but still! i dunno, it was wierd but good at the same time and i wonder to myself...what will i do when i'm too SMALL for the lane bryant bras? will i have to resort back to vicky's? 

i guess that should make me feel happy not sad but i must admit i will miss my lane bryant bras. i've never seen any bras that make my boobs look as great as those do!

back to reality!

hey ya'll! i'm here. finally! seems like i've been gone forever. we were moving and then dealing with no internet or direct tv services at the new house since all the lines weren't run yet. thank god we have internet now. just got it today. we are the first house in our new subdivision to get it! now... not sure how much longer on the direct tv.....

so updates... updates...

i am on the verge of onederland. it's sooo dang close. i'm sitting at 201. just two little pounds left to go and BOOM!!! ONDERLAND FOR ME!!! i know i'd be there already if i'd been working out like i'm supposed to. but i haven't been and i feel bad for it but not as bad as i THINK i should feel. does that make sense?

went shopping at old navy the other day and i'm in size xl shirts and large pants (lounge type pants). that's a real nice feeling on the pants because i used to be a xxl in the pants and tottering on being almost too big for that. but now i'm back in the non X sizes for pants. hopefully soon for shirts too. 

some of my favorite american eagle loung pants (given to me by a close friend and fellow bander) are a size xl and are getting too big. they aren't so big yet that i gotta pass them away but they are getting there. it's sad but happy at the same time.i hate to see them go but love the fact that i will be in size LARGE from AMERICAN EAGLE! fitting in that stuff was once only just a dream. i love their undies by the way. i'm in an xl in those!

everytime my daughter hugs me she makes comments about how i'm "getting skinner". she uses her hugs to compare how much i'm losing. she said before the band she could not wrap her arms completely around my middle. now she can and with extra space, too! lol so sweet and encouraging!


as i said before, i haven't been working out like i should be and i'm really needing to get back on track with that. can we say time to move the elliptical outta the new garage and into the new living room? lol i've also been eating lots of sweets that i shouldn't and not drinking as much water as i should. ah...bad me! but i'm still losing even if it's slowly and i'm happy about that. i never thought i'd see  myself so close to the hundreds again and i can't believe i'm about to be there!!! i've lost 39 pounds so far and i can't believe it! 39 pounds!!!

sometimes it makes me feel bad to see or read about other banders that have lost more and were banded after me, but i just have to remember and remind myself we are all different and i'd also probably be losing a lot more if i were stepping it up on my water intake and working out!


the move went well. having movers was a wonderful experience and i'm not sure that i would ever want to move without them ever again now that i've experienced it with them. we love the new house and are just getting things settled in.


my husband volunteered to go to overseas for a while and we will see if he gets picked. he wants to feel like he's helping defend the nation and he wants the extra money it will mean for us. i'm not too keen on the idea but told him i'd support his decision. oh the life of a military wife!

well, it's late and i better go. but i wanted to write in and say "hello! i'm alive! and i've missed ya'll!!!"

taking a peek in

i would like to apologize for being a bad blogger friend. i haven't blogged in forever it seems and i haven't ready anyone's blogs in a while either. i just went back and did some quick reading through. i felt overly guilty in posting comments on blogs that were days (and even weeks) old especially when all the other more attentive bloggers had left tons of comments already. i will try to do better!

updates on my life:

no new weight loss to brag about. i'm still at a standstill and i think that's because of the cokes (yes, cokes and i don't mean diet) and sweets i've been having lately. it seems like one cheat leads to another and before you know it, i'm eating and drinking naughty things on a daily basis.

i also haven't been back to the gym in about two weeks. i blame that part on me, part on my aunt who still has not been with me as promised. i'm thinking of cancelling my gym membership. here are my reasons:

1. i hardly go and don't like going alone
2. no childcare 
3. once we move, the drive to that gym (there's only one location) will be ridiculous.

i figure i can just use my elliptical and my workout dvd's and walking the neighborhood like i planned to before i got  the gym idea.

i am proud of myself for tonight though because i did 20 mins on the elliptical earlier today and a power mile walking dvd workout tonight. woohoo!

other news....

this kinda ties in with carmen's post about underwear shopping....

i have discovered that i love - and i mean absolutely love - american eagle underwear. they are so dang comfy and are available in very cute styles. i wear a size xl but it's exciting to be able to fit in anything from that store! so i tossed all my old lane bryant panties (which was kinda saddening since they were so lacey and cute) and then went and bought some ae panties (they were on sale for 7 for $25!). it was great buying panties at a regular store again. and ae to boot!!!

also.... i purchased some tee's in a size juniors xxl at walmart this evening. they fit and look cute. i didn't even have to venture into the plus section!

and lastly, before my banding, i had bought this shirt that i liked. it was so damned tight when i tried it on at home that i was "no way in hell!" and i threw it in a box. well, the other day i put it on just to see. well, wouldn't you know, that baby fit and was LOOSE!!! i was like omg!!!! how awesome!!!!

so although the scale is currently stalled, i'm still experienceing happy moments of nsvs! and i'm doing my best to up my water intake and cut my sweets and cokes. it's sooo hard!!!

i also wanna say congrats to all of ya'll on all your wonderful exciting moments that i read about but didn't comment on. i am jealous of a lot of you and how well you are doing! you go girls!!!!

little something

i totally need to read and catch up on everyone's blogs soon. i've been busy this weekend. unfortunately, i can't say i've been busy losing because i haven't. i'm in something of a stall i think. probably because i've ceased working out. gonna try to hit the gym tonight and get back on the right track. i see all these pics of chicks who have lost so much weight and look so great from partnering with their bands and i want that to be me. i want it now but know it will take time! i've been really bad about sweets lately and heading to my niece and nephew's birthday party in a little while isn't gonna help! ok... ya'll... thanks for reading!

SWEET SIXTEEN

i haven't been to the gym in a week. exactly one week. i feel bad about this. as usual. i must say i blame part of it on my aunt. she joined the gym with me, went one time, and you'd think the damned treadmill bit her since she's been hiding from it since then. sigh! i've been going it alone and it's just not the same without someone else to help keep ya motivated. oh well.

i'm starting to wonder if my fill is getting "looser" or if it's just the fact that i need to hit the gym. i haven't seen any loss in a few days. yeah... what's a few days, right? but i kinda liked seeing loss on a daily basis and having it stall is frustrating!

on the upside, i went and bought me some shorts the other day and guess what size i got in? 16!!! yay!!! that's my second official size change. i am just super excited because the next size down from sixteen is guess what? you all know! 14!!! the day i fit in a size fourteen i'm going to puke i'll be so happy.

well, it's after 11am and i gotta get on the ball! later ya'll! 

oh... but just one more thing. a question:

why the HELL doesn't blogger offer PINK - and i'm talking a variety of shades - as one of the font color choices? WHY????

THREE FIVE

i am sooooo very glad that i listened and got that second fill. i have had pretty good restriction. i can eat a few bites and then that's it. i've been a little pouty about how the few bites doesn't satisfy me mentally and how i still want to "taste" more. but today i stepped on the scale and it's paying off! it told me i was 205. yeah. i even had to step off and step back on again to make sure it was being for real. it was. i'm so happy! i have reached another mini goal! and on top of that, i am five pounds past 1/3 of the way to my goal. it just feels really awesome! i cannot believe i have lost 35 pounds. but i have! it's time to take some more progress pics!!!

the frog is on food patrol!

so i got the fill on tuesday. went in (with my 7 year old daughter in tow) and got weighed. lost like six pounds since my last appointment. ok that's fine. they asked me the usual barrage of questions. then time for the fill. my daughter was pretty excited about getting to watch them do it and was dying to know how big the needle was gonna be. as usual, i didn' t want to see it and tried not to look. later she told me it was huge and that "the lady" was moving it up and down in me while finding the port. thank goodness i was numbed up and didn't feel a bit of it. so the fill was finished. i'm at 5cc's and let me tell you!

HUGE difference! i eat just a few bites of whatever and BOOM! restriction!!!! it's like the frog (my band) is saying "oh hell no!" to whatever i'm trying to eat. this is great of course for my weight loss but frustrates me when i wanna "taste" the food. i gotta get over the mental part i guess.

i'll be wanting to "taste" more and trying to eat more and making myself hurt in the process so then i am forced to stop. oh thank you dear frog as i would keep going if it weren't for you!!!

i'm terrified of stretching out my pouch and want to know if anyone has that and what it feels like. i wanna know ahead of time if it's happening to me. or is that even possible? i mean, to know in advance?

my aunt who signed up for the gym with me has gone one time. yep. once. i've been going it alone and that's ok. tonight i went and did the 15 minute circuit training, then 3 miles on the bike, and then 2 miles on the treadmill. i was there for an hour and a half. go me!

oh but if only the scale weren't being such a stubborn bitch!

i'm so excited!

so here goes the second post of the day. yee haw! lmao!

this evening we went for family drive and decided to try - once again - to get a pic of our new house. the first time we tried to do this, it was too late and you couldn't see anything in the pics. the second time we tried to do this, we couldn't because they had security monitoring the area and since there is still construction going on in there, we technically weren't supposed to be going around taking pics. so shhhh!!!

this time we drove by and there was one loan construction working doing some painting on another home. so we drove up, snapped some pics, and quickly drove away. in the end, i am happy and have promised my husband i will not want to go out there again until they have the open house. he was paranoid about us going out there when technically we weren't really supposed to yet. so here come the pics...


this is the front of the house. the garage door is open.

this is another of the front of the house from a little further away. the garage you see that isn't open is the one of our adjoining neighbors.

 

and this is one kinda from the side.

 while we were there i was dying to get out of the car and go peek in the windows. check to see if a door was unlocked or something! but i had promised the hubby i wouldn't (he might have had a heart attack!) so i kept my promise!


we are super excited though. and i think it's even more awesomer that we have a corner lot. the corner lots tend to be bigger than the other ones. we want all the space we can get!


you can tell in the pics that they are still working on things. painting, lanscaping, etc. it's amazing how quickly they are getting it all done though. the playgrounds and stuff look great, too.


ok...well, i had to share with ya'll and now i'm about to head to the gym! night ya'll!

where's the stop button???

so it's memorial day and i've been doing two things today....

cleaning and eating.

yeah.... i feel great about the cleaning part. i been this house all kinds of in order for the upcoming move. it's been awesome. the husband and kids have been helping, too. we are really making headway.

i feel horrible about the eating. i've had fruit and oreos and summer sausage and cheese and cherry coke and chips and dip and ugh! way too much. i feel horrible!!!

i looked at my stats and realized that i have lost anything since may 16. that's two weeks with no loss. yeah... what the heck is up with that? crap. that's what it is. TOTAL CRAP!

i was supposed to have an appt with my lapband doc last week but i had to reschedule it due to scheduling conflicts with the family and whatever crap we had going on. i can't remember what it was now. but my new appt is tomorrow and i'm debating on getting a fill or not getting a fill. i've only had one fill so far and i have 4cc's in my band. for a while i thought i didn't need one but now i'm really thinking i probably do. i mean, the other day i had two pieces of fish and two pieces of chicken from long john silvers for dinner. yeah. that's way more than i'm supposed to be able to consume. i don't really feel restriction unless i eat too fast or don't chew well enough. then i feel it. or if i try to drink right after i've eaten and the food hasn't gone down. then i feel like i need to puke. other than that i could probably eat a horse. so i'm thinking i might wanna do a fill tomorrow? what do ya'll think?

i have this fear of my band being "too full" and me not being able to even drink water. really freaks me out. but i definitely need some assistance again now i think.

i've been horrible with my blogging lately ya'll. and i'm so sorry for that.

hugs!