tomorow it's on!

tomorrow is the day. fill day. i'm going in for my first fill in like 7 months. it's not my FIRST fill, obviously, but my first one in SEVEN FREAKING MONTHS!!!! YEAH..... can you say "totally fell of the bandwagon"? yeah...that would be me.

i'm both happy and nervous at the same time. i'm happy that i'm getting back on track and going in for my fill like i should have done a long ass time ago. i'm nervous because i'm going to have to get used to eating differently again. i've gotten so used to eating semi normally that it's gonna be a big adjustment for me. but i know i can do it again since i did it before. i'm also a little upset because i feel so far behind everyone else.

i mean, i know i'm not supposed to compare myself to others with the losses and stuff but sometimes it's something that just can't be helped. you just do it without thinking. and well, there are some that were banded with me or around the same time i was or even AFTER me that are at their goals or a helluva lot closer to them than i am and well, that just makes me feel like a loser. and not in a good way. not the kind of loser i wanna be.

but at the same time, i tell myself that i need to be happy for where i am. i could be other places. like where i was before my band. 240 something pounds and going up. i could be dead from surgery complications (yes, it's rare but it's real and i have a friend who almost did die!). i could have been stuck in the hospital in icu and on feeding tubes for six months with serious complications like my friend was. but i'm none of those things. i'm just a little behind - ok, a lot behind - on my weight loss. i will get there. right?

on another note... i ordered me a hula hoop. yep. like we had as kids only made adult sized and specifically made for hula hooping for fitness. i can't wait til it comes in and i can start hula hooping my ass off. literally. but i'd rather lose my stomach than my ass. lol i did some reading up online about it and studies show that hula hooping can give you the same workout as doing kickboxing or step aerobics and i think hula hooping is a helluva lot more fun! plus my daughter and i can do it together because she's a hulanista! lol 

she's my little motivator and parnter. the other day i was telling my husband about the hula hoop i ordered and he was like, "yeah, that's gonna be just like the zumba set you ordered and never use." so i told him i need someone to do it with. so my baby girl walks up and says, "you know who you can do it with, mama?" i asked who and she said, "you're looking at her!". she's so awesome!!!! i hope we're this good of "friends" when she's fifteen and pissed off at me for something. lol