swirly brain!

i know i've been the absentee blogger again. i don't wanna be but somehow it just keeps ending up that way. sigh.

my year is going out with a bang i guess. things have been crazy - and i mean KU-RAY-ZEE - these past couple of months. if it's not one thing, it's another, or another or another. the list seems neverending and i'm just surprised that i'm still here to kinda sorta tell about it. and i say kinda sorta because actually telling about it all would take pages and pages and hours and hours of my time and yours (whoever you are reading this and i do hope someone is... lol). my husband is driving me nuts. and i mean nuts. and from what he says i'm driving him nuts, too. and not just the kinda nuts where you're like "oh he makes me crazy but i love him." i'm talking the kinda nuts where you're like "hmmm... should we really even be together?".

we are supposed to be leaving to go out of town today to visit my family and i have no motivation - ZERO - to do it. it's not that i don't wanna see them i just don't feel like the long drive. it's five to seven hours depending on how many stops you make and the idea of being locked in the car that long - with my husband and my wild children - is just not that appealing to me. but i'm gonna do it because i should and maybe once we get there - i'm hoping - that things will start looking up. 

my ticker might tell this story better than i can but i haven't lost anything - NOTHING - in about two months. yeah. TWO FREAKING MONTHS!!!! what's up with that? well, i know what's up with that. it's all on me. i made the decision not to get another fill til after the holidays. thankfully though i didn't GAIN anything over the holidays. now they are almost over (new years is coming) and then i will be back on the track. i will go get a fill and get back to my exercising and eating better. i will dammit!

i still haven't been to a zumba class - my friends suck and either they are too broke - i mean, really??? it's only $5!!!! - or too full of excuses to wanna go with me. sigh! then the one chick that i coulda gone with went and got pregnant so now she's outta the runnings for a workout buddy, too. sigh! i'm happy for her though. this baby has been a long time coming.

i talked to another friend of mine about hitting the gym after the new year and the kids get back to school. she said yes but she's kinda flakey sometimes so we will see if that pans out.

i'm thinking of purchasing that zumba fitness for the wii. anyone tried it? it got good reveiws at several different places online so that makes me feel pretty good about it. plus you do it in your own home which is another plus for me since i feel wierd going and doing it at a place without buddies to cheer each other on.

i've only got 34 pounds left to go to reach my goal and i need to get outta this rut that i'm in.

probs

ok ya'll... i have a problem. it's called.... SWEETS! yes. dratted ass sweets. candies and cokes and hot cocoa and whatever else appeals to me at the time. it's in my house and i want to eat it. and i do. and i think that's why my scale isn't moving. well, that and me being sporadic in my workouts. sigh. i have two kids so snackies are a given. but how do you keep yourselves from eating them???? it's so hard to resist!!!

omg!

wow! two days of posting in a row. lol

today i went to the gym with my new workout buddy. i dislike her already! lol she had me doing things that totally kicked my ass. my legs feel like they are going to die and sitting down is sooo painful. going up and down the stairs in my house is like torture!!! but at the same time, i feel great about it.

too long but not long gone

so it feels like it's been forever since i've made a post. oh wait.... IT HAS BEEN FOREVER! 

i went and read some of ya'll's newest updates (the ones that blogger had waiting there for me) and i must say that i find myself jealous of some of you. ok... a lot of you. i read how well ya'll are doing and think "damn. i'm slacking!". but i know the rule is not to compare myself to others and i try not to but sometimes it's just really hard not to. i need to remind myself that this is all up to me. that i can make it what i want it to be and lately i haven't been making anything of it. of course, i'm not eating like i used to but i'm also not exercising or drinking the amount of water that i'm supposed to or avoiding sweets like i'm supposed to and well... need i go on?

so if i haven't been doing all the things i'm supposed to be doing, what have i been doing? well, hmmmm..... a lot believe it or not.

my son had to be hospitalized two times in the past month. and shortly after my son got out of the hospital, my husband had surgery and is now laid up (and driving  me nuts!) until after the new year. it has now been officially an ENTIRE YEAR since my daughter has seen her father (his doing, not hers or mine, and that's a long story i won't go into here or now). i'm not working but i feel like i am because there's always something going on everyday. one of us is always haveing one appt or another or having one thing after another. it seems neverending. i often wonder to myself how i would be surviving right now if i were working full time like i used to. the answer to that is, i wouldn't have. well, i would have lived but i would have totally had to quit or be fired by now with all the work i would have missed. but thankfully i'm not having to deal with that.

so let me now talk about my progress.... 

i'm at 184lbs. that's 56 pounds lost and 34 pounds to go until i hit my goal of 150 pounds. i'm 8 months out and constantly asking myself why i haven't lost more. but at the same time i'm thinking hello!!! i've lost 56 pounds!!!! that's really great. i guess i just thought it would be faster and easier than it is. but it's not and it's been kicking my ass. lol  would i do it again? oh hell yes! cuz i know i'll hit that coveted 150 if i just get my act together!

the evil scale told me i gained 6 to 7 pounds last week but i think it was just being a butt. or it could have been the fact that aunt flo was in for a visit.  or maybe it was all the halloween candy that i stole out of my kids pumpkin buckets. bad mommy!!! lol thankfully i'm back down to the 184 again and i don't wanna see that scale go up again like it did.

i think i've finally found a workout partner!!!! i'm so excited about that. see... my daughter plays soccer on base and the season just ended. we had the end of the season party at one of her fellow teamate's houses and me and a friend of mine ended up being the last folks to leave. we just stayed there and the kids all played and we all visited and it was great. since i'm not big into using real names on here (i'm a spaz, remember?) i will call this new friend/potential workout buddy p.k. at the party she talked about wanting to get togehter and work out and etc, but lots of folks say that and never follow through. well, i got an email from her today about hitting the base gym tomorrow and i'm all on that. we are meeting up at 10:30 and i can't wait. finally someone with some follow through to actually work out with me!!! could this be my dream come true???? oh...and i did i mention that she's an officer's wife and totally blasts away that whole "officer's wife" stereotype that everyone (other enlisted base folks) seem to have about them? 

well, anyway... it's getting kinda late and i gotta get up way early in the morning. i have my son's awards program at 9:15 (but i wanna get there early for good seating) and then working out at the gym right after that. other errands to run after that and then the daily duty of getting the kids at car line (oh how i hate car line) and then on to my son's counseling appt. after which we are supposed to attend a homework seminar at the school but i'm thinking that might have the kids out too late on a school night and so i might have to forgo that one. but anyway....


it's been really great posting again and i need to make more of an effort to do it more often. i miss posting and reading ya'll's posts.

checking in with an nsv!

ok....so.... today my non banded sister texted me that she got into a size 14 jeans. granted they were super super tight and caused a mega muffin top, she was still excited that she got into them. well, i was excited for her, too, but at the same time a little jealous.i was like wtf? she's not even banded! how can she do that and i can't?

so that threw me onto a tirade of trying on all the "motivational" clothing that has been given to me by my banded friend who kept shrinking out of it all. some of it fit - yay! i have two more pairs of jeans to add to my currently wearing jeans collection. however, some of it didn't (the size 12 jeans from american eagle although that was close). but then i tried on a pair of size 14 pants that i had given to the banded friend before she was banded but then she gave them back after banding. well, guess what? those bitches fit! yep. a bit tighter than i like to wear my pants (these are dress pants from old navy) but dammit i was in them. a size fourteen!!!!!

so that made me feel great although i didn't share this with my sis as i didn't wnat to rain on her parade with my excitement about mine.

so that's awesome. i'm so excited. i can fit into a size 14 and i'm at 188 pounds. i can't even really remember the last time i was at 188 lbs. i have 38 pounds to go to my goal. only 38!!!!!!

sometimes i think my weight loss is too slow and not what i want it to be. that maybe i'm doing this all wrong and not doing good enough.but it's times like these that i get excited and think yes! i am doing this right. i'm getting there. i really am!

going nuts!

so.... I GOT THE FILL.  well, a tiny one that it was. she only wanted to do a 1/2 cc since she says that she thinks i'm having sinus drainage issues that could be filling up my pouch sometimes. so she told me to take my liquid zyrtec religiously everyday and we will see if i get another 1/2 cc at my next appt in one month. she also wanted to know why i hadn't been in for four months. yeah. i know. compliance is key and part of that is going to my appts like i'm supposed to!

yesterday i went to do my workout dvd's. finally got some motivation. well, guess what? i couldn't find a one of them anywhere. yeah... what's up with that? so i had to find one available to watch online. so i did a one mile powerwalk and that was good. and then yesterday evening i went bike riding with my daughter, her friend, and her friend's mom (who is my new friend btw) so that was good, too. yay!!! i'm back on the exercise wagon!

my son is currently driving me insane right now. it's one thing after another with him. he's special needs and i know i need to be thankful that he's not paralyzed or has some horrible disease or something but sometimes it's just really hard not to freak out at things that go awry. 

so i told my doc yesterday that i'm having a problem. i've heard of it before. see my banded friend has it, too. she went from a size 18/20 to a size 8/10 and still thinks she's fat and tries to wear my size 16 clothes. i tell her shes' nuts. well, i realized that i kinda do the same thing. i'm like i feel fatter now, then i did 51 pounds heavier. how does that make any sense at all? she says it's quite common and of course, a mental thing.

i didn't really notice much of a difference with my baby fill. but we will see.

oh. and they gave me a print out of my pre op pic that they have in my file. i about died when i saw it. it doesn't even look like me. i'll have to post some comparisons later. 

up and at em?

well, today is the day i'm going to have my third fill. FINALLY!!! i haven't had a fill since...hmmmm.... let's see.... june 1 to be exact. wow. that's four months back. yeah... i'm totally overdue. i probably should have been about two months ago. my loss has totally platueaed (did i totally butcher that word? LOL). i haven't lost anything in a while. i thought i lost one pound the other day but now it's says it's back so i'm like what the heck? what's going on here? need to get back on track. anyone noticed a pattern with me saying that? lol

i'm about to do one of my favorite workout videos, take a shower, and go get some errands done before my fill appt today. not looking forward to hardly being able to eat anything since i've gotten so used to eating almost how i want to, but that's ok. that's what i did this for. to lose weight and be healthy and by golly and i'm going to do it. back on track i tell you!!!!

in other news.... the eye infection is god. thank goodness! that really sucked. and the $114 pair of glasses are just sitting on my dressing doing nothing. damned glasses. 

anyone got any good ideas on how to get motiviated? in a variety of ways... like i need motivation to organize my home (we still have things we haven't unpacked from the move and you'd think i'd never heard of decorating! lol). i need motivation to get back in working out. i need motivation to drink more water. i need motivation to feel well... motivated. lol

i think this crack box computer is part of my problem. maybe i should start limiting myself that way i'll get more stuff done. offline stuff that is. does anyone else have that prob? the computer sucking up their time?

i can't believe the holidays are around the corner. my kids are going to be a ninja and a punk witch this halloween. not sure if me and the hubby are dressing up yet or not. last year we were a family of pirates! this year apparently we won't be themed.  or maybe he can be a ninja and i can be a witch and we'll be matching witches and warriors! that sounds good to me!