unreal?

today i got my lapband card in the mail. i'm sure ya'll know what i'm talking about... the one that says i'm an official lapband patient and who to call in an emergency and tells restaurants to offer me smaller portions or a kids meal. yep. it came today. quicker than expected as the website said 5 to 8 weeks. it's only been like two weeks since i requested but i'm not complaining.

so i been thinking today and it almost seems unreal that i got my band. i mean, i know it's in there. there's no doubting that. but now that i'm starting to feel "normal" again it's almost like it's not even real. aside from the scars, the occasional wierd feelings when i move certain ways, and the card that now resides in my wallet, it's almost like it never happened at all. so wierd. granted, it's obvious i'm eating way less than i ever did before and actually feeling satisfied with it. at least physically if not always mentally. and i'm losing (16 pounds in 20 days). but i don't really feel all that different anymore. no one can tell when they look at me. it's just so wierd. how many times can i say that before driving someone insane? lol

i still don't think i see a difference though. maybe i need to take some pics and compare or something. i dunno. i'm sure i'll notice it more as more weight comes off. and i'm sure it'll pick up when i get my elliptical. speaking of which, i'm so excited... i am getting it day after tomorrow. woohoo! i haven't been walking in two days and i feel like a total couch potato. i think having the machine right here within my reach will make me get up and get going more. at least i sure hope it does. i know everyone says that before they get an exercise machine, but i really do feel that way. there have been so many times lately where i'm like "damn. i wish i had an elliptical so i could get on it right now!". hopefully that'll ring true still once i get it. i like the idea of being able to work out whenever i want as i tend to be more active late in the night. i'm a night owl. hoo! hoo!

i'm getting exciting about buying new clothes even though i'm totally not there yet. i'm a total panty freak (i love buying panties) and i can't wait til it's time to go buy new ones when my old ones won't fit anymore. it'll be nice to buy something because i'm too small for it instead of having to buy something because i'm too BIG for it. that's always been the case. can't wait til it's the other way around.

i slathered my belly with that vitamin e oil tonight and am gonna look for that target brand mederma this weekend. i have high hopes for a pretty belly in the future!

i been looking online at all these peoples exciting results from wls and i sure hope i end up like them. they seem to have lost so much and look so great. i just worry i wont' look that good. or that i'll still be "fat" instead of thin like everyone else. i sure hope my fears are just that... fears. and nothing else.
i keep thinking, "what if it doesn't work for me?". it will, won't it?

subject change.... we have no big plans for easter weekend other than dying eggs, hunting eggs, doing the usual easter bunny stuff. taking the kids to parents night out tomorrow i think as i desperately need a break and want to go see that movie hot tub time machine. has anyone seen it? how was it?

man! i wanna work out. right now! i just have these urges to do it and have nothing to do it with. sigh! see.... this is why i need that darned machine. i want it now!!! now now now!!!!

here it is. my new machine. i can't wait to get you!!!!